Smiling For the Moment

Okay, I can smile. Today, I write upon a wobbly legged table but stand firm. Knowing that I did not succumb to another petty relationship keeps me standing tall and more certain of the future that I can no longer worry about. A sigh lets go of my past like a dandilion to the wind and I smile for the moment.

Stand Small and Forget the Mall!

Okay, so if you are feeling small, stand by a tall tree. Look heavenward and being small will feel incredibly peaceful.
Also, avoid itunes accounts. I have just bought several more harmonious friends: The Shins, Classic Gin Blossoms, and a new one The Guggenheims. Scarry how much invisible cash I can blow with a click of an Apple button. Creeps-McGee!
Time to jam out with some Gin Blossoms and get rid of another power point presentation. I am totally ready for school to end! Peace out music drifters and stand small by a tall tree!

Going Blank

Lately, it seems that beyond talking to the audience of one here in my head, nothing seems to mesh with any sense. And by sense, I mean all that draws a hint of reality toward an agreement with any sort of self. It seems that the world became a view of a peach too close to my face. I cannot see it despite the fact that it is right before my eyes and smells completely yummy. But who holds peaches to their face?
And boys, stop reading into everything I say or do. Boys, another thing that just does not make sense or are too easy to figure out their motives but they are too shy or foolish to go after what is right before them. Just another simple ranting being unclearly made.
On that note, the world is a peachy blur and all that I can think is to sink into an idea of a better tomorrow. If only I could go back to being small and completely ignorant of my ego-centric starting point. Because, when I was so little the rest of everything was much bigger and promising. But now, I am always being drawn away from self but see such a small situation as my world; forgetting that something or someone can be much bigger than my fragile conundrums.
Being a twenty-something just does not make sense too often, but I am so glad that moments arise to let me know that I am part of something much more than this shabby self. Like after a long day of sitting blank faced with nothing to do, a smile from my seven-year-old bookbag-toting Will changes everything. Or a begging plea for another Jimmy John's sub is always a decision worth considering. I must say that I love my kids and that is something that makes sense. But the rest just is not clear yet, but I am hoping to see otherwise just around the next city block.

A Tex-Mex Snow Tune

It is April not December. Just incase you thought otherwise, I am here to clarify that it is April. But, the weather gods must have been out drinking Jack and Coke last night. There must have been one god that betted another to ask out some hot weather goddess and to all their surprise, she said yes. So, one weather god got lucky and the other had to get up early and turn back the spring to winter. I hate when the gods get drunk and hit on idol women.
However, a little sunshine did come my way. In fact, it was so surprisingly sunny that I confused myself to be somewhere as wonderful as summer. As I walked into chapel after jumping across slushy snow puddles, I heard the chips and salsa move across my appetite in my mind and the Mariachi band played. Yes, we had a Mariachi band visiting from Texas. I love Mariachi bands. Best, they led worship.
Despite my hatred for weather god bar betting, I call all bets off and thank God for a delightful balance between winter and summer. Spring shall return and I have a nice little tune to play in my heart all day.

Easter Bunnies Do Exist!

Just sitting here wasting time on my beloved Internet, and I do mean beloved. When all at once I heard the sound of a tickled laughter on the ground level of the Christopher Center. I followed my ears to see forty white construction paper rabbit ears vertically flopping side to side as giggles and wonder tintillated each bunny discovering a bright shiny easter egg. Within five minutes, the hunt was over and the Easter Bunnies returned to their homes. I will never forget my first sighting of twenty bunnies in the smallest bodies and biggest joys only found in a child's imagined wonderland.

Same Old Simply Dimpled Thoughts

How is it that each day, I wake up to the same old routines but somewhere in me I am ready for a game of hide-n-seek? I believe that something more must exist or else I should just give up the daily struggle to simply get through life. Somehow, I believe that a dimple-less girl like me can have a two inverted signs of a smile resting in joy upon my cheeks.
The same old routine and the same old simple thoughts begin and start each day. Will I find the other side of the rainbow or will I just drive by shady motels with electric rainbows and heart shaped beds? Is there some sort of romance in life that is reaching me? Will I ever laugh so hard that I get some sort of brain dysfunction? Can someone truly spend time getting to know me and still stick around for another round of Speed? And, I am talking cards. Will I always find myself in love with work or a readable idea because a part of me is too inept to join the massive herded human adventure? Ho-hum. I just wander. And, such wondering comes from eternally falling upon daily reminders that life is a hall of mirrors. Everything seems bigger than it is and far to familiar to look at my full reflection. Still, I am intrigued to look beyond the glass and hope that inadvertently I am floating upon a daily adventure through deep but mostly shallow waters in life. I think that I am getting dimples.

Rainy Grey

Something peacefully awaits within a rainy day. A warm cup of coffee to awake the restless Joe. A subtle intriguing conversation. A small child awaiting her time to play with sun as it attempts to peak over the counter of her world. A raincoat dusted off the coat hook ready to serve some sort of sheltered purpose. A couple taking time to complete thier studies in silence. A silly lady remembering that dinner conversations are best kept amongst friends. A bitter stranger handed something sweet. Nervous anticipation toward the next fumble through Grad-school as Spring takes a momentary vacation behind the grey clouds.

Circular Wandering Does Nothing But Lead to Starts

Okay, so I have no clue what to write at this one moment. All that I know is that ten moments ago, I had something but lost it. And I am confident that right after I log-off, I will have something to say. Here I sit hunched infront of the dim screen on a sunny day waiting for all those past and future thoughts to turn into a now.
Perhaps, this is one of those days that is meant for old fashioned pen and paper. I feel like sitting in a sunny park on this somewhat chilly, but did I mention sunny day. There in the greening park I would cuddle up to a bench for lots of random writing. I could watch moms and nannies with kids in thier cozy covered strollers roll by as they talk to thier friends on cell phones with three scrunched juice boxes of various bright colors atop their well organized dash for cheerious, mom's latest organic craze snack, and a box of boring wipes for the past ten times a spill happened which left the little juice stain on kiddy's new plaid butterfly jumper. But, here I sit in the art gallery waiting for a thought that might point to my future or tell me what to do today. Maybe I should just hear what the pastor said about Lot and his homies, "Don't look back". Hmmm... But that would mean for me to get up here and go explore outside without recording my weakly immortalzed thoughts that never seemed to happen as I hoped.
I am off and I don't know where I am going but it's time to start something.

Talking Old Friend

From one moment to a new one, all your heart can go from completely void to laughter.

I'll Post to That!

Dear Reader,
Today, it is Thursday. This means that tomorrow is Friday! Better, I had two nights of great sleep and sweet, okay down right odd but pleasant dreams. The sun is shining and the snow is melting. Amazing what some rest and a sunny day can do for a girl missing her home Sunshine State.
Besides talking to myself on this blog, I am going to post this. First of all, everyone should take time to listen to bluegrass and classic southern rock-blues. Secondly, Nasonex is the best! Finally, I am so excited about school. I am in love! hehehe...
If you are reading this, do all of the above and have a blessed day!
Your belligerent friend via blog,
Cristine

not sure what to right and wrong

Today, I thought that I had something that was right, pure, absent of any faulted blame. Now, I cannot remember what it was. I know that I read my homework in the book of Matthew and a commentary as well. I remember reading another book about what a guy gained from studying with his Jewish friends. I remember that I got to leave work at 4:45, to which I slightly hunched my back at the top of the stairs, curled my arm inward as I made a fist to release a silent 'yes!'. Lastly, I remember going to buy a rotisserie chicken at Target and contemplated if I should have wine or coffee. All of this, and I forget the purest moment of the day. However, I do remember hearing I Corinthians 13 in chapel. I recall that I am not filled with love, but hungry for it. Most of all, I remember that God loves me despite my lacking love for him as I will my own way. Finally, I find a piece of that moment to recall love and purely hope for its complacent return.

I am Owned...

Just a reminder to self that it sucks to be owned by humans. Thinking of the working world raises my blood pressure and makes me want to just shut out everything north of 31st street after the sun rises. Yep, I hate being owned. Worse, I think that I am what I am because I am too scared to try to break my silence beyond this apartment. Speak up Cristine! Well, I just wish that for once someone else would speak for me.
What breaks my heart is that this is only one of the billions of mini-owned human enslavements happening as the world turns and another sucky soap opera orchestrates soccer moms to bon-bons and lazy paxil hangovers.

Back Talking to Myself

Driving to and from a baby shower for a person I know little of gives me lots of time to enjoy the drive without overtly analyzing the former interactions and endless pastel colored packages filled with devices to clean up spit, poop, and the constant spit-up from someone that has not stepped or breathed its first breath into a murkily cheerful world. As the tires jitter over each break within the road, the sun lies down to upwardly cast its last light onto blackened forests and red velvet skies. The lights generate an overshadow reminding me of those shoe box displays that I loathed after reading another somber story of bunnies lost in a thatch or a boy losing his first molar and finding out that the toothfairy is less attractive than he once hoped. The trees do not move like transfixed memories pasted in my mind. My body relaxes into my stiff new car seat and I let some new music from a land far, far away take me back to a place that never left me but dumped itself into packed memories somewhere in third and fourth grade.
On nights like this, life seems like something to dream into a hushed existence. I do not want to force my dabbled thoughts toward reality. Instead, I want to let them melt on my mind in bright yellows and greens and then fade into something like a sunset. Something that happens each night as the world tucks itself to rest without needing reality to happen in constant motion. Dreaming with lots of time to pause but enough consideration to think toward taking a new step into a far away land or finding a way to make well with a flightful moment of serenity as each bump beneath the tire rolls away with my music lets me fall back like a girl crunching through my first pile of leaves without any worry of the trashman coming by to take them away before the winter sun turns behind the trees for a long rest.