Me, John, and Jesus Smoking Pot

By nine o'clock this brisk Fall morning, a most pertinant thought scampered across my mind like a mouse running for cover. After contemplating my view on the music industry having too much freedom with illegal actions and substances and illegal substances' muse upon the sweet melodic clashing I love; Jesus entered the room to smoke pot with us. At least, John Mayer and I thought that what Jesus wanted: pot.
Unfortunately, my mind was too distracted to imagine the room's appeal or design. It wasn't cluttered with another decorate a distressed yuppie room. Instead, it was focussed on something far more intellectual: pot and Jesus. Therefore, the room looked like a holding cell at the local River Forest Police Station. I am sure that nobody other than a few out of line leaf arsonists and a drunk prep have ever made use of those cells, but that's why the cops were beyond willing to let us in. Oh, and they totally did not mind the whole pot thing.
Back to Jesus, John and I were just laughing. When Jesus walked in, we almost peed our pants. Like we couldn't believe that he was actually here. But thankfully, we were just glad to have him with us. John offered him some of the sweet stuff, but Jesus just arched his left eyebrow and sat down across from us. He asked how we were. I giggled and John started talking about some music industry shit. It was random, and I just kept wondering when was the last time these two guys shaved. I swear that Jesus rolled his eyes.
Suddenly, our holding cell turned into my pint size dining room that is only used to throw mail and recyclable papers in at the end of the day. Without Bessie around, nobody uses that room to eat, but Jesus seemed right at home as he tossed us a bag of Doritos and dished us some lasagna. John started to be a smart ass about his former belief that Jesus was a Vegan. Jesus just slopped him some lasagna and gave him a bold stare as he sarcastically mentioned that John's vision and mind must be defective since there's a huge plank bulging out of his eyes. I giggled. And then, Jesus stared right at me! Yep, I was screw-ooo-ed!
He mentioned a name. It was not mine. It sounded like one that belongs to a lanky little girl that smiles without front teeth as she stretched each of her five fingertips to a tiled cieling sky in a paste and peanut butter smelling room while she holds the answer to 12 times 12. Blankly my face went from amused to a deeply hidden flash of the most personal introspection. I dumped my giggles as I began to stare at Jesus' most seriously calm face. He said her name again, Naomi Wethers. He asked if I knew her since I looked as if I was mulling over this very name. Sheepishly I knodded 'no'. He told me that her dad dealt John's agent the pot. In an hour, she will be with Jesus. I knew that this didn't mean she was coming over for lasagna. Suddenly, I was not hungry and John shut-up his smart-ass mouth.
Now, I know why Jesus didn't smoke pot. It wasn't my reasoning. He did not care what other's thought or of it's legality. But, he hung around to kick back with us while we watched the Office and John started to scribble on some of my old reciepts. Apparently, he had 'an idea'. But, Jesus did't have to say much all night. He just stuck around and left just short of an hour because he had someone special coming home.
John and I should have felt imprisoned, but instead we walked, talked, and realized that we were not the same.

Winding Down for a Day

Since moving back to the big city, I find myself trapped in tight organization, time efficiency, hiking gas prices, Grad School homework, and mindless hours dumped away in front of the same old movies. One day, I awoke and wondered where I went. I have become a machine closed off from people and losing touch with joy as this chaotic bubble expands with delicate contradictions. People from the city see no harm with their non-stop business that whirls around like a dust storm. However, I knew that I was slipping into the void that exists around Lake and First Avenue. So, I decided to get out of here by myself for a day.
It's amazing what good music, a beautiful drive by a river, and a large comfy bed can accomplish. I am energized and not pissed off with the world around me. I am ready to face it, well, on my terms this time. And, I am looking forward to another day to hear small bugs moving and speak in silence. Perfect.

Laughing, Nintindo, and Admitting That Some Men are Just Stupid Asses...

I just had to admit the silent disgust sitting in the side of my thoughts as I think of some of the greatest disapointments in my life. Most of the time, I am part of that 'D' word, disapointment. About a quarter usually belongs to inevitable stupid immaturity playing out in an adult world. And the rest belongs to dumb-ass men. For the men folk that do not read this blog, deal with the criticism. For the rest of you, enjoy a good laugh because no men read this blog. Infact, I don't think anybody reads this blog. For that reason, I laugh more and prepare to share a few more random thoughts.
As I walked Sundae around our new neighborhood, I looked to the bright blue skies dabbled with a few drifting clouds. I felt a warm breeze wisp under my toes toward my back, and began to recall one of my favorite summertime activities: tubing on the Rainbow River. As a child and young teen, my sister, mom, and I would rent old tire inner-tubes and go tubing down the crystal clear spring fed river. It was such a great time to laugh at each other as we got into the freezing water or tried to escape oncoming thunderstorms. We let all our inner teen angst, family feuds, and chores drift behind us as we rolled over the cool blue waters. Those are good memories tucked in every summer breeze rolling by my back.
My last thought entangles around my tired mind like old Nintindo chords. And I am describing old school Nintindo. The kind that accompanied the best games like Duck Hunt and the original Mario Bros.. As Alicia, Bessie, Amy, and I played the greatest video game, Mario Bros., I began to giggle like I was six again. Crazy how some simple old school techno music, walking mushrooms, and fire-ball-power will make you relive a lost childhood.
Now, I am laughing and reminded that men are worth the effort. Sometimes, I just need a couple old memories to trump an intitial opinion before I attempt to make a foolish feeling a fact.
God's Peace and Love to all Men and Women. Goodnight.

Folding and Packing Pensacola Memories

This is a second try. The first post accidentally deleted. Ironic for the theme running through my mind. Pensacola was a second try for me at life in all ways. It was a new school, a new home, a new place to meet friends, make friends, and be a friend. Now, it's becoming a new memory. By Friday morning, it will be a place that I once was, not am. This will be a place that I can pack away for a nostalgic day to remember with many endearingly frightful emotions.
For myself, emotions always take a little more time to emerge. This is not to indicate that I am lacking clear emotions. I am highly emotional from the inside. However, I have poor translational skills. As a moment becomes real, I always struggle to show or tell what's really going on within. Others might be crying, but I can seem far away as my face is not smudged with a tear. However, a simple song can break down my pride for me to flood my emotions upon my face like new rain. Emotions are a cleanser to my sometimes cynical mind.
As I lived here in Pensacola, I am subtly submerged in a sea of instrinsic thoughts and feelings toward this place and time in my life. I cannot help to fall to my knees in thanksgiving for all I met and knew here. All those that have come, gone, or stayed as they too drifted within these city walls will always be honorably remembered in my heart. Like little ants, they will march all over my words and sting me when I need a fond memory to unpack. Some memories might seem to be pesky, need to be terminated, but in the end like now, I will see a beautiful mound of reality that is not to be trampled. It is to be placed in simple awe. Ants are amazing workers and gifted builders: a clear analogy of this place I love for my cluttered brain.
If I ever met you or got to know you here, thank you for being in this place. You will always be in my Pensacola memory because all of you are priceless to my ebbing heart and mind.

Grad School God's Grace

I just spent the last couple hours being verbose. I am done with verbose. But, I am not done delighting in God's Grace. Weirder, I am throwing this out to the blogging cosmos hoping for a reply. Call this blogging prayer or just a desperate attempt to chit-chat on this page, I am unsure.
But I am confidant of one thing besides that fact that it is extremely humid today; I am blessed to at least have the opportunity to go through the Grad School Admission Process. I am reveling in the fact (I guess that there are two things I am confidant within) that I have secretly been pushed to do something wonderful with the life I have been given. Ironically, I always tried to end my life through various vanities, yet God keeps reviving my inner turmoil into something gracious like writing. Wunderbar!

Keeping it with Livejournal.

Getting no feedback here, so moving back to Livejournal. Username, 'kidsister' ast www.livejournal.com . If I get some feedback, I'll be back. lol.
Have a good one!

A Coast Guard Hurrah to Farewell

This past weekend, I had a blast with all my friends here in Pensacola. It was one of those moments in life when I realized how completely blessed I am to have such wonderful people to call my friends. Between going out to O'Reily's to sitting on curbs at the Army recruitment office parking lot, I stood in awe of the genuine care we have for each other. It's subtle but strong through any felt emotion or transient thought. As I stood apart for a moment, I knew that God has graciously blessed me.
The love that Christ has for me is unspeakable at times. In fact, I am simply left with tears. He loves me. Why? He gives me people that are infused into the patterns of my life. Why? He daily calls me to be with these people that I have been angry, joyful, hurt, peaceful, hopeful, and encouraged by as we walk along life's ends and outs: together, not alone. Why? He loves me. That's why. He loves us.
It was most difficult to not only say 'goodbye' to a friend, but to see a person that is more than a friend walk away. This friend was a son, a brother, a confidant, a rock, a humor, a twin. It's amazing how much God invests with us. I am sad to say goodbye to those whom I love, but delight in seeing how precious we are to one another.

Cold Beer, Jack, and Ciara

It's overcast. Blahhhhh... Pensacola beach is probably gorgeous though. Hmmmm... Makes me begin to daydream about a Cold Corona, some Jack Johnson, and hanging in the sunshine with my friend, Ciara. I love how thoughts of people that I once spent tons of time with just drift from a corner of my square narrow mind into a huge collection point of fondness. It's so good to have memories on gloomy days like this. And, it's always a blessing to know that somewhere else, near or far might be living the daydreams that are in my heart.
I pray that y'all are having a good dream on me.
God's blessings as you recall that you are a beloved memory to me and a most loved child of God.

Cranberries and Chocolate 4-H Fairs

Today, I am thinking back on simpler times. Times in places where things like a snickers bar seemed like the coolest treat to get after school. When cranberries struck my curiosity as I spent minutes which turned into endless hours as I inquired about where cranberry farms were. If cranberries and chocolate were not my only delusional method to enjoy simple pleasures while wasting time, then I would begin to look forward to the next class party, field trip, or Marion County 4-H fair.
I always loved the fair. It smelled of popcorn, grilled steak burgers, honey, and saw dust. I never was much of a 4-Her, but I knew how to get out of school just to hang out at the fair. Getting out of school was easy. All that I needed was an alibi. If I could convince my teachers that I had something of the upmost importance to do at the fair like help a friend with their goats, set up spectacular award winning display, or well anything that just sounded important coming from a fifth grader's mouth, then I was free from my school attendance. I always sounded very convincing to myself. I must smile because I probably looked like some sweet mischievous dork to my teachers. They never bought my reasons, but let me free since I had put so much energy into trying to be convincing. I would have made a great actress in the annual Christmas pageant.
The fair was my first place of independence. I could freely wander through the exhibits and just pretend like I was magnificently cool since I was free of parents and teachers on a school day. My favorite exhibit was the bee hive man since I could sample tons of free sweet golden honey. He always seemed to know what I was up to wasting all my precious education for a day at the fair, but he always smiled and did not interrupt my immature independence every time he handed me another spoon of honey.
Today, I just am warmed by the countless memories I had at those county fairs. I laugh now because there was nothing breathtaking or awe-inspired, unless you think that a steer show is as magical as men spitting out tobacco in an old rusty Folgers can. However, it was a theme in my life. It was the beginning of my independence. My parents knew that I was just wasting time and being curious, but they let me go for my sake. That is what made it so magical. I was free to start thinking of what I wanted to do with the time I had devised to spend. Like cranberries and chocolate, it seems like a silly thing to base a story upon. But, it's everything significant to a girl that revels in life's little moments.

Drifting Thoughts Becoming A Foundation

I must confess, I find it a bit uncomfortable to post my thoughts within a place that belongs to strangers. For my entire life, I have kept most of my thoughts within bound books kept far from the eyes of people. To tell people what I am thinking, publishing it on the web, and then hoping for feedback is like having one of those dreams where I am caught in the middle of rush hour with no clothes; wondering if anybody noticed my subconscious efforts reaching for extreme attention in a world of chaos and noise.
Today, I began to seriously consider myself, my life, my dreams. For months, I have promised myself to write and turn that former dream into something daily breathed. For months, I took time to fill pages with more than journal entries, but stories, observances, language outside of my inner box. For months, I began to face my fear of public opinions and placed my thoughts for all to see. Now, my thoughts and dreams, the weakest yet most potent ability that I have is being realized as my formerly drifting thoughts dreamed their way into becoming a constant foundation for myself. Where I once was awkwardly scared to stand in the midst of a chaotic scene, I now am finding great joy seeing myself go after my dreams to write.
I am not alone in this sometimes silly endeavor. I am so glad to have found how many amazing people I am connected to online and at home. Basically, I am glad to be inspired by those around me. At this point, I am all chit-chat, but truly grateful for those that have been the starting link in my dream. It's good to confess thoughts of joy and gratitude. That is when I realize dreams are real.

Don't want no short-short...

Hehehehe... Okay ladies, I am not talking about men. I am literally talking about 'shorts'. Have you seen the summer styles that are out? They are really, really, really short. Shorts are 'short' but these styles are more like undies. And, I don't walk around in my spankies outside of my room.
So, shoppers beware! Don't sell out for sales and fashion. Get some high wasted mommy shorts and be cool like me. hahahaha... Or, just don't buy those damn short shorts from places like American Eagle or the Gap.
Whew! Glad to get that off my chest. hehehe... Time to go be mellow and lay out in this hot Florida sunshine.
Later!

la la la...

All weekend, it's been overcast. Urg... And, I am really looking forward to some sunshine. For now, it's busy, busy, busy with my church's Day in the Park. After this event is complete, I am really looking forward to kicking back.
Other than church stuff, I really need to get moving (literally) on my moving plans. It's so exciting to get out of here, but after this weekend, it seems almost bittersweet. But, I really want to get out of here.
St. Patrick's Day was okay. Bessie, Alicia, and I met up with Dustin, Mark, and Tim at our favorite local spot, O'Reily's. We rocked at pool! Okay, I totally just lied about that. lol. And the ladies and I found out that there is a new dance move for loooosers! Basically, some drunk guy tried to pull some hilarious dance moves with us, and we left.
Back to the daily grind.

It's gorgeous outside and I am inside!

Okay, so thus far this blog is just a little soundboard for whatever. I am not quite sure what to write, but I have so much time to kill at my crappy job. So, here goes nothing. Literally.
Today, it's a total Florida sunshine day. I am wishing that I could be outside, I could be since my job requires that, but here I am desperately blogging. (Note to self, get off the damn computer and go outside after this!). lol!
Anywho, I am busy planning my move to Chicago. I am excited and sad all at the same time. It's a bit of a confusing emotion for me. I always like things to be clear, but they seldom are. I will miss all of the wonderful friends that I have here, but I look forward to the opportunities in Chicago. I am tired of just sitting on the life that God gives me. I love to relax and kick back, but I just wish that I had an opportunity to take on a challenge. I just wish and wish, and moving to Chicago will be a wish realized. I can wait to move since there is so much to do, but I wake up looking forward to being alive in a new town.
I am planning my life away and trying to not lose out on the million moments that happen each day. For example, my roomie, Bessie is a blast to hang with no matter what. We are both equally random and messed up which I love. I love that we can just shoot the shit and admit that we are just 'shooting the shit'. And, I love that we can laugh. I am so psyched (there's a middle school word for y'all) that she is planning to move with my sister and I. Not to mention, my baby, Sundae needs fairy-god-mothers like Alicia and Bessie. Basically, it's important to soak up the time here with the great people in my life right now. I don't want to clutter my life with a million possibilities and miss out on the current realities. (I hate how Dawson Creekish that last line sounded). lol
Humor is so important to me. I tend to laugh at most everything. Being serious is for work, and I am very serious there, but when I come home, I just need to laugh about my messed up day. Today, I plan to get a ton of crap done like call River Forest about my admission status, and get the bills paid. Maybe I will finally clean out my car. I am so good at procrastinating. Finally, I can kick back at Lenten service which will be great since I don't have to teach at Faith Night.
Folks, kick back and enjoy some laughs on me.
Lots of love!

Fun times and a lost wallet!

Chris! I can't figure out how to get to your blog. Urg... So, I will write this on mine for ya'. And I can't wait to listen to Melt. Your are wonderful. I had such a blast tonight! I really hope that your Sunday gets better. You are awesome to have planned this outing and for it to have gone wrong on you, phewey!
But, it was a blast. My knees hurt, but I take it as a battle scar.
For the rest of my blogging mates, I will inform you of tonight's activities. Me and three guys went downtown for some fun. That could sound messed up?... Anywho, Josh, Kevin, Chris, and I went to the City museum of St. Louis. It is like a huge maze and artsy random thing. We crawled through on our knees through a million tunnels and web things. All in all, it was fabulous. Plus, I got to paint a master piece. By the way Chris, that was left in your car.
Other random thoughts: I need to watch Primal Fear once more. Great movie! And, I need to research the Razzies when I am at work. lol.
Have a good night!

Too many blogs, so little time!!!!

I am trying out this blog site to see if I like it any better than my five million other blogs. Hahaha... Let's see how it goes. mmmwwwhhahahaha!